Seconds of Sorrow in Spring

3 days ago I entered into a relegation zone. All I could think about is the past and how much I want it back. It’s not that I don’t like the present... These annoying little bits and bots kept me awake at midnight. Is it possible to get it back? Not just a part of it but the whole. The light hearted summer, the culture shock of London, the hug of Holland, the tiredness of France, those lovely palm trees of Valencia and that freezing welcome of Cluj-Napoca.
Is it possible to force one’s past into a box and open it whenever he wants? And will it have the same effect everytime? Is it a sign of something?

Nevertheless I keep myself to this few lines I read:

„If you are out of breath and your enthusiasm slipped away, continue it. Not for yourself nor for life itself. Do it just for fun. And help will come”

*note: help did come on the next day

A sleepy morning

There's a nice, small, busy university buffet not far from the place where I work. It's really nothing. Some stressed out furniture from the Soviet times and a few wooden desks without chairs. The lady behind the bar is the kind of middle aged women, I guess, with two children and a husband. As I said it's a pleasent place.
And their capuchino tastes crap. I think it's partly because the antique coffe machine and partly because I got coffe instead this morning but in the same size as a capuchino. I drank it however my face was bitter than a big box of lemon.
2 minutes later I found myself worringly enthusiatic and was extremely interested basically about everything. I wanted to ask every people on the street;
Where are you from, what are you doing, do you enjoy it, do you like this day, how old are you, do you do sports regularly, where did you buy that, oh I like that place too, what do you think about recent stimulus packs given to economies in order to restart European blood circulation? Who, what, why, how, when and where?

A day starts with a coffe!
Coffe, I llllove you.
Addicted? Definetely.
Care about it?
No.


Photo: Coffe by Liquid Essence

Shaving

Shaving is a ritual.
The whole process begins with the annoying scratch in your mind that it is the point where you can not postpone it anymore. A homeless neanderthal man has a better look than that guy over there in the nirror.
Once you've prepared yourself mentally the next step is to do it phisically. By taking out the shaving foam, the aftershave and the shave itself you armour your soul just like a Spartan women equips her son 'Come home with this shield or upon it' - No turning back now.
For a funny minute even Santa's elves would think that you are their boss. Take the shave, look into the mirror and ask the poetic question one more time: 'Do I really want it?'
After the horrors of one minute or two the aftershave is like a brand new chilly fresh air.
The hair of the past week is removed. A new timing has just begun!

I wish some things could be as easily shaked off as a shaving.

Photo from http://oldmanyellsatcloud.deviantart.com/art/Somehow-Somewhere-77851751 by oldmanyellsatcloud

Shots from January

A hangover.
Bitter cold.
Papers.
More Bitter cold.
Tea on the balcony.
More Papers.
Smell of Coffe sneaking into my bed.
Drizzle.
Colorful things cheering up my room.
Rain.
A pair of blue eyes.
Slippery roads denying any movement.

Győr.
Budapest.
Székesfehérvár.
Friends from Holland.
Nyíregyháza.
Obama.
Fog.

The once favourite music sounding exactly the same but telling a whole different story.


Photo from http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PUU4DwOkFPM

Reloaded

8 o'clock in the morning and the noise of the trash-truck wakes me up. The tea tastes better than the previous weeks. People are walking on the streets. The shops are opened. That ever-angry shopkeeper is looking at me again with a question in her bored eyes: "'Da hell 'ya want?" I feel like jumping around and hug her, smile at her and yell to her face:

"I would like my everyday pastry!!"

The post office is crowded with old people paying their bills. The sound of the copier is buzzing not far from me in the library. I managed to continue my childish game of "borrowing" some printed papers again.

The world phisically started its life once more. And I feel like jumping it around and hug it, smile on it and yell into its face: I'm living!

Mankind is not made for vegetating for such a long time. It is for creativity, for performance and for happiness. And you can only be happy if you feel produtive. It can be a small thing as a homework but never forget that it only depends on you. It's something I have to keep in mind too.

Photo from here by =circle--of--fire

Some words about Christmas

I'm too young to appreciate Christmas.

There are several thought about its importance the one I hear most of the time is the Holiday of Family and Love.
Thank God I'm living in a normal family without alcoholism, child beating and disease problems. I wish I could say it is normal but as I look around myself I have to admit that this is The exception. So for me, Christmas is just another day with presents.

These had been the thoughts of mine until the evening arrived.

And then and there, in front of the christmas tree with the Youtube playing religious and traditional Christmas songs, something happened.
In me.

Photo by Alorn

Above all

One day I will pack my things, go to a deserted place somewhere in the North and watch this with hot tea in the hands, wondering about what to write next on my blog. By the way, what? :D

Copyrights and all that stuff: © MTI - Mohai Balázs